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  1. 1
    The Deathless Horsie (Live)
    6:17
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    • Sample Rate44.1

    INSTRUMENTAL

  2. 2
    Andy (Live)
    6:49
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    "Andy"

    Is there anything good inside of you
    If there is, I really wanna know
    Is there anything
    Good inside of you
    If there is
    I really wanna
    Know
    Is there anything
    Good inside of you
    If there is
    I really wanna
    Know
    Is there?

    Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
    If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh
    Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
    If there is, I really wanna know, really wanna know...

    Something
    Anything
    Something
    Anything

    Show me a sign
    If you don't mind
    Show me a sign
    If you don't mind
    Show me a sign
    If you don't mind
    Show me a sign
    If you don't mind

    Do you know what I'm really telling you
    Is it something that you can understand
    Do you know what I'm really telling you
    Is it something that you can understand
    Do you know what I'm really telling you
    Is it something that you can understand
    Do you know what I'm really telling you
    Is it something that you can understand

    Andy de vine (de vine)
    Had a thong rind (rind)
    It was sublime (sublime)
    But the wrong kind
    Andy de vine (de vine)
    Had a thong rind (rind)
    It was sublime (sublime)
    But the wrong kind

    Have I aligned
    With a blown mind
    Wasted my time
    On a drawn blind
    Have I aligned
    With a blown mind
    Wasted my time
    On a drawn blind

    Oh Andy...
    Andy
    Andy, Andy
    Thong rind
    It was sublime, y'all know
    The wrong kind, yeah-hah-hah-hah!
    Our man!
  3. 3
    Magic Fingers (Live)
    3:30
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    "Magic Fingers"

    Ooh, the way you love me, lady,
    I get so hard now I could die
    Ooh, the way you love me, sugar,
    I get so hard now I could die

    Open up your pocketbook,
    Get another quarter out,
    Drop it in the meter, mama
    And try me on for size
    Open up your pocketbook,
    Get another quarter out,
    Drop it in the meter, mama
    And try me on for size

    Ooh, the way you squeeze me, baby,
    Red balloons just pop behind my eyes
    Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl,
    Red balloons just pop behind my eyes

    Open up your pocketbook,
    Get another quarter out,
    Drop it in the meter, mama
    And try me on for size
    Open up your pocketbook,
    Get another quarter out,
    Drop it in the meter, mama
    And try me on for size

    Oh, do you really wanna please me?

    You know I do, baby

    Well, tell me why you do it
    I really wanna know

    Oh, no, no, I wouldn't be right
    For me to tell you tonight

    You better tell me right away
    Or I pack up and go!

    Don't get mad
    It ain't no big thing

    You better tell me right away,
    Don't you treat me cold

    HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
    Well, there are a lot of reasons why I'd . . . I'd drag a girl such as yourself back to this . . . plastic hotel room and . . . rip you off for spare change to run a . . . to run a vibrating machine attached to this queen-size, bulk-purchase, kapok-infested, do-not-remove-tag-under-penalty-of-law type bed and . . . and make you take off all your little clothes . . . until you are nearly STARK RAVING NUDE! (Save for your chrome-with-heavy-duty-leather-thong Peace Medallion, heh . . . ) And make you assume a series of marginally erotic poses involving . . . a plastic chair and . . . an old guitar strap while I . . . did a wee-wee in your hair and . . . beat you with a pair of tennis shoes . . . I got from Jeff Beck
  4. 4
    Broken Hearts Are for Assholes (Live)
    3:37
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    "Broken Hearts Are For Assholes"

    Hey! Do you know what you are?
    You're an asshole!
    An ASSHOLE!

    Some of you might not agree
    'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
    But think a while and you will see
    Broken hearts are for assholes
    Broken hearts are for assholes
    Are you an asshole?
    Broken hearts are for assholes
    Are you an asshole too?
    Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole

    Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
    Maybe you think you're too tough to cry
    So you went to The Grape,
    Just to give it a try

    And Dagmar
    Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I ever saw in my life
    Was his name...
    One Two Three Four!
    The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his
    Pancake make-up
    And yet he was a beautiful lady
    Nearly drove you insane
    Let's talk about Leather: LEATHERRRRRR
    And so you kissed a little sailor

    Tex Abel, starring in the latest Shepperton Production:
    Who had just blew in from Spain
    Sir Richard Pump-A-Loaf
    You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
    The story of a demented bread-boffer
    And acted like it was cocaine
    Cucumber pud annexed to a fine whole-wheat loaf
    You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
    Then on Tuesday night, Ceasar's back in town
    In a way you can't explain
    Facing off in a no-holds-barred tag team grudge match
    With Kona.
    And so you worked the wall with Michael
    Three-hundred-seventy-nine pounds of Samoan dynamite
    Which gave your back an awful strain
    Volcanic Hell
    But you came back on Sunday for the gong show
    Next Thursday, teen town's finest...
    But you forgot what I was sayin'
    'Cause you're an asshole, You're an asshole
    That's right
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole
    Yes, yes
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole
    That's right
    You're an asshole, you're an asshole

    'N' now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole

    You say you can't live with what you been through
    Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
    You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you,
    But don't fool yerself girl
    It's lookin' at you
    Don't fool yerself girl
    It's winkin' at you
    Don't fool yerself girl
    It's blinkin' at you
    That's why I say
    I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
    Ram it up yer poop chute
    Corn hole
    Ram it, ram it, ram it
    Ram it up yer poop chute
    Fist fuck
    Ram it, ram it, ram it
    Ram it up yer poop chute
    Wrist-watch; Crisco
    Ram it, ram it, ram it
    Ram it up yer poop chute
    Pud!

    Don't fool yerself, girl
    It's goin' right up yer poop chute
    Don't fool yerself, girl
    It's goin' right up yer poop chute
    (etc., repeats)

    Aw, I knew you'd be surprised.

  5. 5
    Bamboozled By Love (Live)
    6:45
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    "Bamboozled By Love"

    Bamboozled by love,
    Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan
    Bamboozled by love
    Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan
    The way that girl been carryin' on
    I swear I just don't understand
    Don't you know I treat her nice and kind
    The way no other lover can
    Now don't you know I treat her nice and kind
    The way no other lover can
    I came home the other day and she was
    Suckin1 off some other man

    I ain't the type for beggin'
    I ain't the type to plead
    If she don't change those evil ways
    I'm gonna make her bleed
    She can scream and she can holler
    Bang her head all along the wall
    If she don't give me what I want
    She ain't gonna have no head at all

    Bamboozled by love
    I said she fooled around too long
    Bamboozled by love
    I said she fooled around too long
    Now I am mad and gettin' meaner
    I am here and she is gone
    And the reason you have not seen her
    She is underneath the lawn
    I said she's underneath the lawn, lawn, lawn

    Now look I ain't the type for beggin'
    I ain't the type to plead
    If she don't change those evil ways
    I'm gonna make her bleed
    She can scream and she can holler
    Bang her head all along the wall
    If she don't give me what I want
    She gonna have no head at all

    Bamboozled by love
    I said she fooled around too long
    Bamboozled by love, oh lord
    I said she fooled too long
    Now I am mad and gettin' meaner, meaner
    I am here and she is gone
    And the reason you have not seen her, seen her
    Is she is underneath the lawn
  6. 6
    King Kong (With Band Solos) [Live]
    20:55
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    INSTRUMENTAL

  7. 7
    Montana (Live)
    6:47
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    "Montana"

    [backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes]

    I might be movin' to Montana soon
    Just to raise me up a crop of
    Dental Floss

    Raisin' it up
    Waxen it down
    In a little white box
    That I can sell uptown

    By myself I wouldn't
    Have no boss,
    But I'd be raisin' my lonely
    Dental Floss

    Raisin' my lonely
    Dental Floss

    Well I just might grow me some bees
    But I'd leave the sweet stuff
    To somebody else... but then, on the other hand I would

    Keep the wax
    'N melt it down
    Pluck some Floss
    'N swish it aroun'

    I'd have me a crop
    An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana)

    Movin' to Montana soon
    Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune

    I'm pluckin' the ol'
    Dennil Floss
    That's growin' on the prairie
    Pluckin' the floss!
    I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
    Afternoon...

    I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
    (His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
    He's a good hoss
    Even though
    He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
    Blanket on anyway
    He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
    Blanket on anyway
    Any way

    I'm pluckin' the ol'
    Dennil Floss
    Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
    I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
    I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

    I'm gonna find me a horse
    Just about this big,
    An' ride him all along the border line

    With a
    Pair of heavy-duty
    Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
    Every other wrangler would say
    I was mighty grand

    By myself I wouldn't
    Have no boss,
    But I'd be raisin' my lonely
    Dental Floss

    Raisin' my lonely
    Dental Floss
    Raisin' my lonely
    Dental Floss

    Well I might
    Ride along the border
    With my tweezers gleamin'
    In the moon-lighty night

    And then I'd
    Get a cuppa cawfee
    'N give my foot a push...
    Just me 'n the pygmy pony
    Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

    'N then I might just
    Jump back on
    An' ride
    Like a cowboy
    Into the dawn to Montana

    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
  8. 8
    Inca Roads (Live)
    12:05
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    "Inca Roads"

    Did a vehicle
    Come from somewhere out there
    Just to land in the Andes?
    Was it round
    And did it have
    A motor
    Or was it
    Something
    Different
    Ehh, Por favor
    I'm Telling Ya...
    Su Challecos
    I was out by the lake...
    Ahh Peligro
    Billy Was A Mountain
    A Full Moon...
    Pu-ade
    Somethin' Flew Across...
    Little Moustache...
    Eddie Are You Kidding?

    Mother Mary and Jozef!

    Did a vehicle
    Did a vehicle
    Did a vehicle
    Fly along the mountains
    And find a place to park itself
    Park it
    Se-e-e-elf
    (PARK IT . . . PARK IT)

    Or did someone
    Build a place
    To leave a space
    For such a thing to land

    Did a vehicle
    Come from somewhere out there
    Did a vehicle come
    From somewhere out there
    Did the Indians, first on the bill
    Carve up the hill

    Did a booger-bear
    Come from somewhere out there
    Just to land in the Andes?
    Was she round
    And did she have a motor
    Or was she something different

    Guacamole Queen
    Guacamole Queen
    Guacamole Queen

    At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
    Or did someone build a place
    Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land
    (Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth)
    Did a booger-bear
    Come from somewhere out there
    Did a booger-bear
    Come from somewhere out there
    Did the Indians, first on the bill
    Carve up her hill
    On Ruth
    On Ruth
    That's Ruth
  9. 1
    The Torture Never Stops (Live)
    13:12
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    Disc 2 Track 1

    "The Torture Never Stops"

    Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
    Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair
    A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away
    Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day;
    An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
    'N weepin' greenish drops
    In the room where the giant fire puffer works
    'N the torture never stops
    The torture never stops

    Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor
    Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door
    Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain
    An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop where the blood goes down the drain;

    An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
    'N weepin' greenish drops
    In the room where the giant fire puffer works
    'N the torture never stops
    The torture never stops
    The torture
    The torture
    The torture never stops.

    Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
    An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there
    He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first
    The loin's 'n the groin's is soon dispersed
    His carvin' style is well rehearsed
    He stands and shouts
    All men be cursed
    All men be cursed
    All men be cursed
    All men be cursed
    And disagree, well no-one durst
    He's the best of course of all the worst
    Some wrong been done, he done it first

    (Well, well) An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin'
    (Yeah) 'N weepin' greenish drops,
    (Well) In the night of the iron sausage,
    (Well) Where the torture never stops
    The torture never stops
    The torture
    The torture
    The torture never stops.

    Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
    Who are all those people that he's locked away up there
    Are they crazy?,
    Are they sainted?
    Are they zeros someone painted?,
    It has never been explained since at first it was created
    But a dungeon like a sin
    Requires naught but lockin' in
    Of everything that's ever been
    Look at hers
    Look at him
    That's what's the deal we're dealing in
    That's what's the deal we're dealing in
    That's what's the deal we're dealing in
    That's what's the deal we're dealing in
  10. 2
    Dirty Love (Live)
    3:00
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    Disc 2 Track 2

    "Dirty Love"

    Give me
    Your dirty love
    Like you might surrender
    To some dragon in your dreams

    Give me
    Your dirty love
    Like a pink donation
    To the dragon in your dreams

    I don't need your sweet devotion
    An' I don't want your cheap emotion
    Whip me up some dragon lotion
    For your dirty love
    Your dirty love

    Give me
    Your dirty love
    Like some tacky little pamphlet
    In your daddy's bottom drawer

    Give me
    Your dirty love
    I don't believe you never seen
    His book before

    I don't need no consolation
    I don't want your reservation
    I only got one destination
    An' that's your dirty love
    Your dirty love

    Give me
    Your dirty love
    Just like your mama
    Make her fuzzy poodle do
    (Oh, Frenchie...)

    Give me
    Your dirty love
    The way your mama
    Make that nasty poodle chew

    I'll ignore your cheap aroma
    And your little-bo-peep diploma
    I'll just put you in a coma
    With some dirty love
    Some dirty love
    That dirty love
    That dirty love

    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Snap it!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Snap it!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Snap it!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Not a speck of cereal!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Nothing but the best for my dog!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Come on!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Little paws sticking up!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Little curly head!)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Little curly tail!)

  11. 3
    Zomby Woof (Live)
    8:27
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    Disc 2 Track 3

    "Zomby Woof"

    Three hundred years ago
    I thought I might get some sleep
    I stretched myself out on a antique bed
    An' my spirit did a midnite creep

    You know I'll never sleep no more

    It seem to me that it just ain't wise

    Didja ever wake up in the mornin'
    With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes

    Just about as evil as you could be

    I am the ZOMBY WOOF
    I'm that creature all the ladies been
    Talkin' about

    I am the ZOMBY WOOF
    They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out

    Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
    Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

    Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
    Here I'm is...

    Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
    Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF

    They said aw-reety
    An' they was aw-righty
    An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady...

    I got a great big pointed fang
    Which is my Zomby Toof
    My right foot's bigger than my other one is
    Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof
    If I raid your dormitorium
    Don't try to remain aloof...

    I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid
    An' do it to you on the roof, don't mess with the
    ZOMBY WOOF

    I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!

    Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
    Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

    Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
    Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

  12. 4
    Billy the Mountain (Live)
    27:34
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    Disc 2 Track 4

    Billy The Mountain

    BILLY the Mountain
    BILLY the Mountain
    A regular picturesque
    Postcardy mountain
    Residing between lovely
    Rosamond and Gorman
    With his stunning wife ETHELL,
    A tree!
    A tree!

    BILLY was a mountain
    ETHELL was a tree
    Growing off of his shoulder

    BILLY was a mountain
    (BILLY was a mountain!)
    ETHELL was a tree
    Growing off of his shoulder
    (ETHELL was a tree growing off of his shoulder)
    (hey, hey hey!)

    Billy had two big
    Caves for eyes,
    With a cliff for a jaw
    That would go up 'n down,
    And whenever it did,
    He'd puff out some dust,
    And hack up a boulder
    (HACK!)
    Hack up a boulder
    (HACK! HACK!)
    Hack up a boulder
    (HACK! HACK! HACK!)
    Up a boulder

    Now, one day, now I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double-knit suit drove up in a large El Dorado Cadillac, leased from BOB SPREEN...

    ("Where the freeways meet in Downey!")

    . . . And he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his 'foot' was supposed to be.

    Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for ALL OF THOSE YEARS, and finally, now, AT LAST, his Royalties!

    Royalties!
    Royalties...
    Royalties!
    Royalty check is in, honey!

    Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH! Yes, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw (which was a cliff), well it dropped thirty feet!

    A bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'!

    I gave him the money
    He acted real funny
    He hocked up a rock and
    It TOTALLED my car!

    Oh, do you
    Know any trucks
    Might be bound for THE VALLEY?
    I don't wanna stand here
    All night in this bar
    (Dear Lord)

    I don't wanna stand here
    All night in this bar
    (No shit!)

    I don't wanna stand here
    All night in this bar!

    By two o'clock, when the bars are already closed down, BILLY had broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL. And with dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced...

    "ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!"

    Yes, and they WERE going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, like every little woman, she of course was very excited! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her.) BILLY told ETHELL they were going to... Yes! They were going to NEW YORK!

    "ETHELL, we're going to... New York!"

    But first they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS...

    It's off to LAS VEGAS
    to check out the lounges
    Pull a few handles,
    And drink a few beers,
    (Oh, ETHELL!)

    ETHELL, my darling,
    you know that I love you!
    I'm glad we could have a
    Vacation this year!
    (Oh, NEET-O!)

    Glad we could have a
    Vacation this year!

    They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert... their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds (POO-AAH!)

    "ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?"

    (Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!
    Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!)

    "Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CLAMS?"

    The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE...

    And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF... (We have ignition!)... got LUNCHED! I said LUNCHED! (Lunched!) By a FAMOUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE.

    "Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACK-DOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, Lomita, Westchester, Playa Del Rey, Santa Monica, Tujunga, Sunland, San Fernando, Pacoima, Sylmar, Newhall, Canoga Park, Palmdale, Glendale, Irwindale, Rolling Hills, Granada Hills, Shadow Hills,Cheviot Hills, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE..."

    WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ("Wah wah wah, nice lady!") to raise funds for the injured (injured...) and homeless (homeless...) in Glendale, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS (right near the 'Jack-In-The-Box' on Glenoaks) where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through...

    Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( "Toto...!") just playing ( "Come on, Toto...!") and having a nice time with his little accordion ("Toto...!"), and this weird wind came up ("Toto...!"), direct from Glendale ("Toto...! Toto...!"), blowing these terrible germs in his direction ("Come here, Toto...!"), and all of this caused ("Toto...!") by a huge mountain ("Aunty Em!")!

    "Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly..."

    ...sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of WATTS!!!

    Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when BILLY received his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, lemme tell ya, ETHELL said, now ETHELL, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go!

    "I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!"

    "THAT'S RIGHT! We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it is This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices (COVEN!) WITCH-CRAFT!"

    It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'! (And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin) This one MAN was STUDEBAKER HOCH, fantastic new SUPER HERO of the CURRENT ECONOMIC SLUMP.

    (Oh) Now, some folks say he looked like (he was like, he was like) ZUBIN MEHTA (Zubin Mehta); still others say (others say he), bullshit, honey (bullshit, man) he's just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the Frozen Beef Pies at BONEY'S MARKET. (Others say he was just a, just a) Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack! (crazy Italian) He's just a crazy Italian who drove a RED CAR. You see (nobody knows for sure 'cause he was so), nobody ever really knew for sure, because STUDEBAKER was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious (mysterious)...

    HE WAS SO
    (He was so, he was so!)
    MYSTERIOUS!

    HE WAS SO
    (He was so, he was so!)
    MYSTERIOUS!

    'Cuz when a person gets to be
    Such a HERO, folks,
    And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE,
    You can never REALLY TELL
    About a GUY LIKE THAT
    (Whether he's really a NICE PERSON
    Or if he just SMILES A LOT),
    (What?)
    Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO',
    Or what?

    Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what?

    Some men say he could FLY
    Some men say he could SWIM
    Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA),
    And all the girls in FLUSHING
    Would be AMAZED of HIM
    (Two, Three!)
    AMAZED of HIM!
    (Amazed!)
    (Amazed!)

    Time passes...
    January, February, March, July...
    Wednesday...
    August...
    Irwindale...
    ...2:30 in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday...
    Funny Cars!
    Walnut!
    Friday
    City of Industry...
    Big John Mazmanian!

    So when the phone rang
    In the secret briefcase,
    A strong masculine hand
    With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch
    And flexy bracelet
    GRABBED IT
    And answered
    In a deep, calmly assured voice:

    "So... ah... yeah, yeah, hello already... what?... Well, yeah?... Ah, are you kidding...? You're not kidding... a mountain...? With a tree growing off of its shoulder...? Aw, you're fulla shit, man... ah, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front...? Yeah...? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we're having a lot of... listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head... and, ah, how's your wife's hemorrhoids? Oh, that's too bad... Listen... so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing... oh, my! Well, let me write this down... sorta take a few notes here... yeah...? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION? (my baby, my baby) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? An expense account? And per diem, too?"

    SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE!

    They said he could DANCE, and, of course, THEY were right! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it!

    Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly!
    Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore...Hey!

    RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
    LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
    RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
    LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER
    TO THE HEART-Uh

    Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore...

    NOBODY can DANCE like STUDEBAKER HOCH! So many rumors have spread about STUDEBAKER HOCH! (A rumor... a rumor...) Consider this rumor (a rumor...), which was published (a rumor...) about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE!

    Oh, it's gotta be true!

    STUDEBAKER HOCH can write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin!

    "NO!"

    Do-do-do-do-do,
    Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
    Do-do-do-do-do,
    Doot-doot-do DO!
    etc.

    (I'm so HIP!)

    BEEF PIES!

    He was born next to the BEEF PIES,
    Underneath JONI MITCHELL'S autographed picture,
    Right beside ELLIOT ROBERTS' big Bank Book,
    Next to the boat
    Where CROSBY flushed away all his stash
    And the cops
    Got him in the boat and drove away
    To THE CAN
    Where Neil Young slipped another disc

    FROZE-ing by the PIES!
    FROZE-ing by the PIES!
    FROZE-ing by the PIES!

    (And that was the main influence on HIM!)

    The influence of a Frozen Beef Pie!

    Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON HE... yes, HE ran around the back of 'THE BROADWAY' at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, un-used cardboard boxes (no shit!)

    After which, he hit up the RALPH'S on Sunset for some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey!

    Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of RALPH'S, where "no prizes are lower prizes than RALPH'S," in the parking lot of RALPH'S (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out some really, really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered them thoroughly with foil!

    Thorough-LY wi-TH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL-L-L!

    Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth...

    YES!! Yes! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA maple syrup all over the inside of his legs!

    Soon the booth was filling with flies!

    (Help me, help me, help me!)

    He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in (Yes! Yeah!), and when each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, RON HUBBARD-type voice...

    "NEW YORK!"

    ...and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky!

    STUDEBAKER HOCH
    YEAH, YEAH
    STUDEBAKER HOCH
    STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!

    STUDEBAKER HOCH
    YEAH, YEAH
    STUDEBAKER HOCH
    STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!

    He's coating his legs
    With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down!

    His shorts'll be filled with flies
    That will be buzzing all around!

    Stoodlabaker Hoch:
    He's really outa sight!
    Stoodlabaker Hoch:
    He does it every night!
    Stoodlabaker Hoch:
    He treats the flies all right
    STOODLA-BAKER HOCH
    That's why they never bite, hey!

    (Please to New York!
    Fly to New York!)

    He could be a DOG
    Or a FROG
    Or a LESBIAN QUEEN!

    (Fly to New York!)

    He could be a NARK
    Or a LADY MARINE!

    Or he might play dirty!
    He's OVER THIRTY!
    (Getting old? Say! I don't know!)

    His peculiar attire
    And the flies he require
    Keep leading him on
    'Cause ETHELL is gone
    They keep leading him on
    'Cause ETHELL is gone
    And THE MOUNTAIN she's on

    And speaking of mountains, we'll join STUDEBAKER HOCH on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth. Take it away:

    "Ah...ya, ya, ya, hey-ah BILLY, ah, listen...I've come to REASON with you! Our GREAT COUNTRY needs you in the Armed Forces! Your NUMBER came up...you can't go on running like this forever."

    Oh! But ETHELL just shook her twigs angrily, but STUDEBAKER HOCH, calm, cool, collected, and UN-ferturbed, continued...

    "Ya, well listen, you (cough cough)... listen, you COMMUNIST SON-OF-A-BITCH! You better get your ass down there for your fuckin' physical, or I'll see to it that you get used for FILL DIRT in some impending New Jersey MARSH RECLAMATION... and your girl-friend there will wind up disguised as a series of brooms, primitive ironing boards (or a DOG HOUSE)... get the (cough, cough), GET THE PICTURE?"

    Yeah, well, BILLY just laughed:

    "HO, HO, HO! If they think they're gonna draft ME, they're CRAZY!"

    Unfortunately, because STUDEBAKER HOCH was standing on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth when the giant mountain laughed, STUDEBAKER HOCH lost his footing and fell, screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below!

    "Aaahhhhh... oh fuck, I'm gonna need a TRUSS..."

    Oh, listen, that only goes to show you, and it'll show you once again that...

    A Mountain is something
    You don't wanna fuck with
    You don't wanna fuck with
    Don't fuck around
    (Don't fuck around)

    Don't fuck with BILLY (No!)
    And don't fuck with ETHELL
    (You saw what just happened
    To the guy with the flies!)

    DON'T FUCK AROUND!
    DON'T FUCK AROUND!
    DON'T FUCK AROUND!
    DON'T FUCK AROUND!
    DON'T FUCK AROUND!
    DON'T FUCK AROUND!
    DON'T FUCK AROUND!

    With

    Biddilly, Biddilly
    Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly

    BIDDILLY
    THE
    MOUNTIN-INNNNNNN!

    (Eddie, are you kidding?)

    Eddie, are you kidding?

  13. 5
    Camarillo Brillo (Live)
    3:53
    Subscribe
    • FormatM4A
    • Bit Rate16
    • Sample Rate44.1

    Disc 2 Track 5

    "Camarillo Brillo"

    She had that
    Camarillo brillo
    Flamin' out along her head,
    I mean her Mendocino bean-o
    By where some bugs had made it red

    She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
    And every newt in Idaho
    And every cricket who had chorused
    By the bush in Buffalo

    She said she was
    A Magic Mama
    And she could throw a mean Tarot
    And carried on without a comma
    That she was someone I should know

    She had a snake for a pet
    And an amulet
    And she was breeding a dwarf
    But she wasn't done yet
    She had gray-green skin
    A doll with a pin
    I told her she was awright
    But I couldn't come in
    (I couldn't come in right then...)

    And so she wandered
    Through the door-way
    Just like a shadow from the tomb
    She said her stereo was four-way
    An' I'd just love it in her room

    Well, I was born
    To have adventure
    So I just followed up the steps
    Right past her fuming incense stencher
    To where she hung her castanets

    She stripped away
    Her rancid poncho
    An' laid out naked by the door
    We did it till we were un-concho
    An' it was useless any more

    She had a snake for a pet
    And an amulet
    And she was breeding a dwarf
    But she wasn't done yet
    She had gray-green skin
    A doll with a pin
    I told her she was awright
    But I couldn't come in
    (actually, I was very busy then)

    And so she wandered
    Through the door-way
    Just like a shadow from the tomb
    She said her stereo was four-way
    An' I'd just love it in her room

    Well, I was born
    To have adventure
    So I just followed up the steps
    Right past her fuming incense stencher
    To where she hung her castanets

    She said she was
    A Magic Mama
    And she could throw a mean Tarot
    And carried on without a comma
    That she was someone I should know

    (Is that a real poncho... I mean
    Is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
    Hmmm... no foolin'...)
  14. 6
    Pygmy Twylyte (Live)
    11:07
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    • FormatM4A
    • Bit Rate16
    • Sample Rate44.1

    Disc 2 Track 6

    "Pygmy Twylyte"

    Green hocker croakin'
    In the Pygmy Twylyte

    Crankin' an' a-coke'n
    In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

    Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
    Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

    Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
    Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

    Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
    By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

    Crystal eye, crystal eye
    Got a crystal kidney & he's fraid to die
    In the Pygmy Twylyte
    Downer midnite
    Pygmy Twylyte
    Downer midnite
    Pygmy Twylyte
    Downer midnite
    Pygmy Twylyte
    Downer midnite
Comments
Phil

After I loaded this CD on my car hard drive I loaned the CD to a young fella in the office and I’ve never seen the CD again! He must have liked it! I still like it! 

9tiercel

Hadn't heard this version of Torture with this solo from Dweezil before. Really, really nice!

Thanks! I'm planning to release a special Torture Threesome on Halloween! All new, first release versions.

John(Lizweedus)

My fave DZ/ZPZ release.